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Biography : Rachel Gathercole
Rachel Gathercole is first and foremost the mother of three creative children who continually amaze her with their delightfulness, insightfulness, and passion. She is also the author of the groundbreaking new book The Well-Adjusted Child: The Social Benefits of Homeschooling.
Holding a Bachelor of Arts with Distinction from the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, and now a trusted member of the homeschooling and natural parenting community, Rachel has been homeschooling for ten years and is respected as an author of many informative articles and essays that cut through stereotypes and misconception and shed new light on homeschooling, parenting, and children. Her articles have appeared in various national and local publications, including as cover stories in Mothering, Life Learning, and other magazines. Her essays have also appeared in the anthology Loving Mama: Essays on Natural Parenting and Motherhood edited by Tiffany Palisi.
Rachel was recently interviewed on the nationally-syndicated radio show Home School Heartbeat, has been featured as a guest speaker in the Mothering-sponsored chat room at MommyChats.com, and has been both a lactation specialist and a co-leader of The Home Education Association in North Carolina. Rachel has interviewed hundreds of homeschooling parents and children across the United States and Canada.
Rachel believes that motherhood is an honor and a privilege. She believes that children are the most important thing in the world and deserve to be treated accordingly. She believes that there is nothing more basic, intrinsic, or important to parenting than the healthy relationship between parent and child. She further believes that there is no one more qualified to birth, feed, raise, care for, and educate your child than you. You are the expert on your child.
Rachel’s mission is to empower parents to recognize and tap into their inner parenting wisdom and expertise. Through information and support, she wants to empower you to make fully informed choices about your life, your children, and your parenting, and to encourage you to listen to your inner voice and to your children and to be the parent you want to be, not just the one that popular culture tells you to be. Rachel wants you and your children to experience all of the many benefits and joys that symbiotic parenthood and childhood have to offer.
HOW TO BE AN EMPOWERED PARENT
The world is full of them. Books, friends, neighbors, even some experts telling you how to raise your kids, what to feed them, what they need to know. Professionals who, intentionally or not, make their living through your belief that they can do a better job of taking care of your kids than you can. Products, even, that profess to be superior at meeting your child’s needs than what you have to offer. Information is certainly helpful. But in the process of making their living, many experts, professionals, and companies are undermining your power as a parent. And substantial power it is. The truth is that, believe it or not, you are the person most qualified in the world to birth, feed, raise, and educate your child. You are the expert on your child.
What makes a good parent is doing what works for her family. We know how to be good parents, but we second-guess ourselves constantly because we are asked to by a society which has forgotten the innate power that parents have. When we can trust ourselves and our children, we can begin to truly become empowered, effective, and happy parents.
Below are some guidelines that will help you to find that power. They are guidelines I try to live by as a parent, because they feel right and they work.
TRUST YOURSELF. Get informed, by reading and so on, but remember that you already have within you everything you need in order to parent effectively. Nature, which did not expect you to read lots of parenting books, has given you two priceless resources to guide you in parenting: your instincts or feelings, and your child. Listen to these and they will not lead you wrong. Rest assured: you can find any parenting choice or philosophy espoused in print by an expert. So, choose for yourself. Be the parent you want to be. Do what feels right to you.
AVOID CHANGING ANYTHING THAT IS WORKING. If mother and baby (or parent and child) are happy, then what you are doing is working. Changing or stopping something that is working for you and your child because others seem to think you should is rarely a good idea. This applies in the now and also in the larger scheme—whether it means letting your baby stay on your lap when she has fallen happily asleep there, continuing to breastfeed past the age that your relatives are used to, delaying calling the kids to dinner because they are playing happily together, or anything else.
The corollary to this, of course, is:
CHANGE THINGS THAT AREN’T WORKING. It’s obvious, but you’d be surprised how often we stubbornly keep at something that isn’t working because we think we “should.” If the discipline method you use results in more hurt feelings than solutions, try something else. If your child is miserable in school and getting more miserable, consider homeschooling. If bedtime is a constant source of frustration, try a whole new routine. Doing more of the same usually won’t work. As the Chinese proverb says, “If trying harder doesn’t work, try softer.”
AVOID REPLACING A SUPERIOR ACTIVITY WITH AN INFERIOR ACTIVITY. This is a way of living our priorities--avoiding at any given time letting a less important thing take precedence over a more important thing. For example, ideally I would not turn on the television when children are happily playing, or stop bonding with my baby in order to do dishes, or make my daughter stop reading a book she is truly engrossed in in order to read something else for lessons that I or someone else has planned. When I was a new mother it meant letting housework go by the wayside in favor of holding my baby, or sacrificing a few hours of sleep in favor of keeping him happy. Today it means prioritizing my children’s heartfelt interests over what society tells me they “should” be doing, passing up financial gain in favor of spending more time with them, and more. In my estimation, a material object is never more important than a person. Living that priority is part of what keeps the joy in my life.
DON’T TRY TO SHOW YOUR KIDS WHO IS BOSS. They are small, helpless, and utterly dependent on you for survival. They are well aware of who is boss. Instead, show them who they can count on to support them and be on their side. Show them who they can trust and who cares about their feelings. When they come to you for advice later on because they know you have their best interests at heart, you’ll be glad you did. And it will feel good now, too.
REMEMBER THAT EFFECTIVE PARENTING IS SYMBIOTIC. It works for the parent and the child. It works in the short term and the long term. If something feels wrong, it probably is wrong for you. If it feels right, it probably is.
Happy Parenting! |
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