Media Appearances

No "Fat Talk" at the Table

How a holiday diet can weigh you down

By Jessica Weiner

I could feel my tummy rumbling. The banana smoothie I'd gulped down for breakfast wasn't cutting it, as my boyfriend, Andy, and I hit the six-hour mark on our road trip to his parents' house for Thanksgiving dinner. I had vowed to eat light that morning so there'd be tons of room in my belly for Andy's mother's scrumptious cooking. She lived for the holidays and was famous for baking pies that were so good they brought tears to your eyes.

We pulled into the driveway just as I started having erotic food fantasies about her delicious stuffed mushrooms and spicy apple stuffing. Andy could have gotten down on one knee and proposed to me at that moment, and I'd still be salivating over the thought of cranberry sauce and pumpkin pie. As we pushed open the front door, however, we weren't greeted by the aroma of a juicy bird roasting in the oven. In fact, we didn't smell anything cooking at all. And we found Andy's mother, Linda, sitting in her living room — knitting. "Mom, what's going on?" he asked. "Is the bird already done?" To which Linda replied: "Oh, sweetie, Tofurky doesn't take long to cook."

I'm sorry, did someone just say "Tofurky"?

Yes, Linda had nixed her usual traditional menu for a new holiday diet. She had become a vegan just in time for Thanksgiving: not for animal well-being or environmental reasons, but because she'd heard that a diet free of animal products would help her lose inches fast. Linda wasn't a woman who looked like she needed to mind her weight, but her weight was always on her mind. I knew she was a chronic dieter and had tried everything from the grapefruit diet to the cabbage-soup diet, so I didn't question her reasons for wanting to drop pounds. I just crossed my fingers and hoped that vegans ate pie.

As we sat down at the table, I surveyed the spread. Linda had replaced turkey with a soy product called Tofurky, which looked about as appetizing as cardboard. She had also swapped green-bean casserole for barely steamed broccoli, and —could it be?— her famous make-you-cry pies had been replaced with gently sliced pieces of fruit. I felt as though my erotic food fantasies had been taken hostage by a crazy dieting maniac.

I smothered my Tofurky in gravy as Linda reminisced about the good old days of stuffing, turkey and buttery mashed potatoes and recounted the fattening and delicious recipes she'd put away for her menu makeover. We were eating in a food flashback. There was no joy at the table, just fat talk about how much weight Linda hoped to lose during the holidays, how hard it was to say no to the sugar-laden cookies that her coworkers brought to the office, and how she couldn't help but listen to all the seasonal TV ads that insisted she eat, drink and get skinny.

She had a point. It takes guts not to get sucked into body bashing during the holidays, whether it's from coworkers, infomercials or the voice in your own head. Swallowing a forkful of broccoli, I thought about all the weight-loss ads I'd seen that encouraged women to lose those last 10 pounds during the party season. I had certainly been on my own share of bizarre, restrictive holiday diets. Cutting back on calories seemed like the perfect way to control the lethal combination of family dynamics and food. Instead of engaging in togetherness, celebration and gratitude, I could focus on the food, the fat and the weight. Talking about carbs and calories seemed much easier than discussing the loss of a loved one or the anticipation of a career change.

My thoughts were interrupted when Andy asked me to pass the Tofurky. I couldn't help but giggle. He really seemed to be enjoying it. As I picked at the last bits of broccoli on my plate, I tried to put a stop to all the calorie confessing and fat talk going around the table. I asked Linda how she was feeling. I knew that the holidays brought back memories of losing her dad. In the past, she'd channeled those feelings into baking pies and eating comfort foods until the feelings subsided. This year, she seemed to be holding back and restricting her emotions, trying desperately to starve them away — all under the guise of being "healthy."

As we went on to talk about missing the people we love and loving the people we have in front of us, I felt compassion for the complexity that women face in weaving together all the parts of our lives: from family, career and friendship to body, weight and food. We can think of the holidays as a season of diet stress and bulging bellies, or we can choose to look beyond the food and into the fun of the holiday season as we see our old friends and family, celebrate our achievements and overcome hard times.

At the end of the meal, Andy, being the sweet guy he is, got up from the table to give his mom a hug. "Mom, the vegan pilgrims would be proud," he said. We all laughed. And in that laughter, we forgot we had just eaten Tofurky.